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Now I'm sort of upset because I asked him to and he didn't. Jeez, part of me hopes he gets back soon so I can have one, because I'm really craving it right now. But he should have his fun, since he went out with friends. So I suppose I'll just wait until tomorrow to have one.

My personality test results:


Your personality type: "Dreamy Idealist"
Quiet, reflective and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.


To my understanding my Jungian personality type is "INFP" which is the result I get in every Jungian personality type quiz. I always saw myself as more of an INTP, but hey! Perhaps I'm more emotional than I originally liked to believe. I do know that I'm heavily absorbed in how I feel, but I always thought I used my head first rather than my heart. I also know I'm definitely introverted and follow my "hunches" rather than my experiences, but I am a daydreamer and am more idealistic and realistic. So I suppose in the end, it makes sense! 

I guess if I could describe my personality, it'd be: Introspective, introverted, intuitive, not very opinionated (at least, I don't have strong opinions about everything I'm more of an ambivalent person), socially awkward, quiet, shy, calm, not temperamental at all (I rarely get angry) but I can be moody I suppose, I just don't show it, I can be egotistical and overconfident in my abilities but that really is just overcompensation for a deep-seated actual lack of confidence, observant, sort of anti-social and I prize my solitude, I pay a lot of attention to little details as well as the bigger picture because the bigger picture has little details everywhere, in fact I overanalyze little details searching for a deeper meaning, like all human beings I can be hypocritical, self-centred, and selfish, I can be brutally honest but mostly to myself, philosophical, deep thinker, I guess I consider my biggest assets to be my creativity and imagination since I was blessed to utilise both effortlessly, I have a pretty bad self-esteem issue even though I can be a braggadocio, and I try to be optimistic but let's face it, I'm a pretty pessimistic person, or perhaps I'm just a rationalist. I think I'm rather intelligent at least in the visual-spatial and existential fields but I'm definitely not as intelligent as I think I am because nobody is intelligent as they think they are and I will freely admit that I don't know as much as I want to believe I do. I always look for shades of grey in so-called black and white terms. I can be harshly critical and unsympathetic and cruel and I sometimes make fun of people behind their backs, but I'm sensitive and don't like being talked about and I feel guilty after I do it (then why do I keep doing it?). BUT HOWEVER I have a moral compass and try to do a good deed at least once every day (not to sound like I'm bragging...actually, no I am bragging) and I'm faithful to my friends. Unless I don't like you anymore. Oh, and I can be a workaholic and goal-oriented and I'm very much into learning. I fear I might be the type of parent who gets heavily absorbed in their career and neglects their children, oh boy. Also when it comes to my intelligence I can never really execute it in day to day life other than when I draw/paint and think. Oh, and I guess I'm kind of a weird person. At least I've been called weird before. But I suppose I'm more subtle about my idiosyncrasies because I'm so quiet. Unless I'm with my few very close friends then I'd say I'm pretty...kooky and talkative. Also I'm a HUUUUUUGE daydreamer and get caught up in my fantasies a lot. I'm really all about fantasy. Also I'm horridly insecure and am easily intimidated by people and compare myself to them.

Wow that was quite a paragraph! Anyway, this is only how I view myself and it may or may not have a degree of truthfulness to it (depending on who you ask, really). As far as I know, there are three facets to your personality: how you view yourself, how others view you, and how you truly are, I believe? I could always be wrong! But I heard that somewhere years ago and it'd stuck with me ever since.

In any case, I can't really say that like all people I'm neither a good or a bad person, I think mostly everybody (excluding those with mental issues more serious than my own i.e. sociopathy), including myself, has tendencies to commit both good and bad deeds. We're all selfish, but when it comes right down to it it's a survival tactic and at the same time, most of us are raised to be moral people, espoused by the idea that there's a pleasant afterlife that we know as "Heaven." I find that even if you're a militant atheist, not one who is just angry that there is a higher being more intelligent than him, but someone who legitimately doesn't believe in a creator, is influenced by religious ideals by some degree by which he was raised, even if he won't like to admit it. But that's a generalisation, I won't say it applies to every atheist, but out of all the atheists I've met, it's something I've noticed. Some people will argue the existence of a good and bad, but I won't dispute that it's certainly not as black and white as simply "good and bad." There have been "good" acts where underneath there lies a bad motivation, after all. Sometimes, there's a flip side; there have been "bad" acts carried out with a more moral motivation than one would think. What it comes right down to it is: people are pretty fucking strange, and who knows why they do the things they do. But I like to delve deeper than that.

Thoughts? Comments? Care to dispute what I just said? Go for it! I love discussions like these, as long as you don't make any disparaging remarks on my character, because that automatically forfeits you from any argument. But I will willingly listen to any criticisms on my personal philosophies. 

In any case, I could go on about it, but that's just a general summary of my opinions on morals, which is a pretty subjective topic when it comes right down to it. Then again the world as we know it is subjective and that's a very basic concept in philosophy, to question where there really is an objective world. There's no reaching objectivity when you're human, irrespective of your intelligence. I had this slight debate with my friend "AR" who believes that they found an objective answer to the meaning of life. But we both agreed that the main concept of philosophy is meta-thinking.

Bloody hell, when it comes to the study of general and fundamental issues and myself, ONCE YOU POP THE FUN DON'T STOP. 

Anyway I'll stop showing off and being an insufferable know-it-all and I'll talk about some MDC updates. The other day I went to my favourite town in the world to take pictures of houses for references, and I found a school in Ireland that I'll use as a reference for the school, Saint Féchín's. The school in question is an all-girls' private school I believe. The houses that I took photos of are Victorian painted ladies, and I decided that the house that Vika will live in is a Painted Lady that is dingy red with black and brown accents, with a turret. She lives on a quiet street with a view of the Sound, and when she first moves into the house, everything aside from the wood floors is pure white. They obviously repaint it and decorate the house but when she enters the Dreaming World, it reverts to its prior blinding white state. Which is a mystery! Also, the streets in Soundscarp are named after fish, so Vika and her family live on Rainbowfish Road, or something. 

I started sketching out the house and drawing up the floorplans for her bedroom, both are obviously integral to the story because she's moving there, and a teenager's bedroom should be their sanctuary. I imagine her bedroom is kind of childlike, but pretty even though she has some pretty interesting things in there like wrestling action figures who live in a giant antique dollhouse, and allusions to her various interests and hobbies which you will find out at a later date. She's also the one who gets the room with the turret, since even though she's the youngest she's still the only female and therefore kind of the princess of the family. The princess in the tower, more or less. 

The painting of Rose's character sheet has been put on hiatus for now, since I got distracted with other things, but I'll resume working on it tomorrow or even tonight, since I'm itching to be working on SOMETHING. I'm just mostly writing and sketching things out, but I'll finish the painting soon, I swear! 

Personal stuff, personal stuff.... Um, well, I went to see my cousins today with my grandparents, so that was cool. It was my cousin's birthday today, and my two oldest cousins (they're 18 and 19 I believe whereas I'm 21 and my brother's 20) and I went to the bank and snuck some cigarettes when we were there, because their parents aren't supposed to know that they smoke. So yeah, that was fun, even though the two oldest cousins had to leave for work and my brother and I were stuck hanging out with the young ones. I hope I see them again soon, I miss them. Also, I had some coffee earlier which was good, but it made my stomach hurt due to the excess of acids. Ouch!

Anyway, I think I've written enough for this entry, next entry I'll talk about ghosts or something, since I'm heavily interested in that too.

See ya

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Alex J.

May 2014

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